i'm Jane,

and i am a chinese muslim.

i just reverted last year, it was a beautiful experience and it has become a challenge since.

i found Islam in the most natural way; it was because of Prophet Muhammad SAW. as a former christian, i was told that the Prophet was a pedophile. he married a child, Aishah - and this, i use as my ammo to backfire the muslims who tried to talk me into Islam.
one day, i was just googling about life, inspirations, stuff like that because i was feeling very empty when i stumbled upon a tumblr that has all the inspirational quotes i needed, and they were all quoted by Prophet Muhammad SAW. i bookmarked that page and after a few months, i started to question about him, and thus began my journey towards Islam.

I love Islam, I love Allah and I love Prophet Muhammad SAW.

but still. 30 years of being a chinese cannot vanish overnight, and i don't want it to. i am chinese by ethnicity, it's just that i'm a muslim.
for some reason those malays who got to know that i'm a muallaf, they expect me to become malay. i should speak more malay, wear baju kurung, wear tudung, celebrate Raya malay style, lepak at mamaks like the usual malays do.
it's really annoying.

my colleague once asked me why i don't wear baju kurung at all and when i told her i don't like wearing it, she made a face that spoke a thousand words and i knew, i was judged.
it wasn't just her. but her whole gang.
they don't mix with me as friends (not that i minded, they were a group of gossiping makciks) but it made me disappointed. i mean, they have been muslims longer than me, they should know how to treat new muslim friends, heck, how to treat anyone! but that's them, going around with their tudungs blinged up and their baju kurungs clinging to their bodies, judging people, gossiping while working, and always always instagramming! it drives me crazy sometimes because i don't see why they can't prioritise work!
ok that's the chinese in me.

oh well. forget about them.

i wanted to start learning to read the Quran. i thought i could learn via internet, and it was ok at first, i managed to memorise Al-fatihah, Al-Ikhlas, Al-falaq, An-nas and all other doas in a prayer. but i went to a muslim convention a few months back and the Ustaz said that if we don't read the words properly, it will bring different meanings and our prayers may not be accepted, since we read everything wrongly.
i didn't know why i haven't thought of that. even in mandarin we have the same thing. we need to pronounce the letters properly or it will bring different meaning(s).

so i went to a mosque nearby my house. Alhamdulillah they have a mengaji class every thursday night for free!

now, here's my story.

it was about 2 months ago. my mengaji class starts straight after maghrib prayers, breaks for isyak prayers, and continues on till however long we can. i always stop at 10pm. the ustazah didn't seem to mind too coz she said she doesn't have anything better to do when she's back home. =)

so after my class ended that day, i realised an indian guy followed me to my car. at first i thought that he probably just heading the same way but he was there too the next week! i was freaked out then, that halfway i ran towards my car, and drove off in panic. but before the third week, i wanted to give him a piece of my mind.

before class, i remembered to use a different bag and bring only my essentials, like my Quran, my telekung, phone, IC and license. and after class, there he was. the indian guy who follows me to my car!
i have been plucking up my courage for that time, so i spun around and yelled,
"HEY! YOU MAU APA HA?! YOU INGAT SAYA TAKUT KA!? SAYA PANGGIL ITU JAGA KALAU YOU MARI DEKAT! YOU SAPA HA!?!"

i could tell he was shocked coz i saw the whites of his eyes widened and he raised his hands in surrender. he stuttered a bit, then said,
"sorry miss! saya cuma nak make sure you sampai your car dengan selamat! malam malam bahaya tau kat sini! sorry miss!"

walauwei. i was shocked leh. this indian guy wanted to teman me? so i asked, more calmly, "you.. you buat apa sini juga?"

he answered "saya pun baru keluar masjid"

i asked "you muslim?"

suddenly he laughed, and i felt so stupid! what kind of question is that!?

he answered "ye la! takkan bukan kot!"

he sounded so malay despite looking like an indian, i thought. i hesitated for a while to ask my next question.. this guy was still patiently waiting, not making any moves towards me.

i asked "you... indian?"

he smiled softly and said "mamak".

at this point, i was just embarrassed. i just wanted to go home as it was becoming alarmingly awkward.
i just said "ok, assalamualaikum" and ran into my car and drove home.

we became friends shortly after.

oh! a few days ago, we were waiting for our burgers at the burger stall at our housing area. he was drinking a can of laici drink and i was chewing a gum.

we were talking about serious topics, when he asked me how come i don't wear tudung?
i rolled my eyes. "not you too.. look, how come just because i'm the muallaf here, i have to be more islamic than others? how come i have to wear jubah and tudung, whereas there are so many other malay girls who CONFIRM are muslims prancing around holding hands with guys they're not married to, wearing bikinis to the beach, NOT WEARING TUDUNG AND JUBAH (stressed this part), wearing more revealing clothes than i've ever had, even when i was a christian, drinking alcohol, and all that haram stuff? why do i get the pressure and not them? if you're going to quote me Surah An-Nisa ayat 30 to 31, it's ok. i know it off by heart. i want to cover up, but why should i do it just because it's what expected of me? i'll wear tudung when i want to."

he sipped thoughtfully, but he didn't say anything. well, he shouldn't. but i asked him what he thought about it anyway.

"what you said, was more or less what my sister said" he said.

i asked "does she wear tudung now?"

he was silent for a while, sipping his laici little by little. "she would've. if she knew she didn't have more time".

"what do you mean?" i asked.

he sighed, looked at me directly and said "she meninggal dunia. last year. accident."

i just starred at him with my mouth hanging slightly opened. we changed topic immediately after a few seconds. when we got our burgers, we both left, and i just couldn't get our conversation out of my mind. that night i cried and repented about how arrogant i've been to Allah SWT.
He has blessed me with life, Islam, opportunities, and many more, but just because i don't want to satisfy people's expectations of me being a revert, i have turned away from His commands. i was waiting to see other people change into my expectations - that's the truth.
but life is given by Him, and He can take it anytime, anywhere.. i've read the Quran's translations and even though i didn't memorise enough, i know that if we were given a knowledge, we should act upon it because if we ignore it, it will make us among the hypocrites. nauzubillah..

i cried to sleep too that night.

now, i am wearing tudung. i don't wear the fancy kinds like my colleagues do, i just wear the express type because it's easy to wear. i'm trying to get used to wearing long sleeves and socks. it's not as easy as i hoped.. i have too many short sleeved tops and my cardigans are too thick! and socks with sandals is too weird. but it's the right thing to do! i have to suck it up, go through it day by day, and in sha Allah it'll be a breeze.

as for him, i don't know. there's something about my mamak friend that makes me become a better person.

maybe Allah SWT is setting us up?

hahahaha! maybe!


............... amiiiin! hehe!


//not related to anyone. story is only made up and inspired by real reverts. saje je buat cerpen.//

//my grammar tonggang langgang, and ayat macam tak tersususn sangat, but please just don't mind it ekk!  =)//

on travel perspective

oh history.

throughout school years, every Sejarah class, memang time terbaik untuk tersungguk macam bola tennis kena pukui; ke kiri, ke kanan, ke belakang, ke depan, berpusing pusing, bergaya sungguh kepala cik puan ni bila tersungguk. on good days, i'd have a drool on the side of my face.

bukan sengaja tapi otak macam dah setting sendiri.

Sejarah = nap time

ugh.. anyway, by form 4, i knew i can't have any career Sejarah-based like lawyer ke, or... historian ke. so i buang jauh jauh itu ambition and till today, still have that setting in my brain.

husband is completely different.
he can stomach hours of history!!
crazy dude! ok takde la crazy sangat, but i memang senang impressed liddat. heheee..

so we were talking about traveling the other day, about the things we like about it.
he said he likes to know the history of the place, the history of culture, history, history, history.
i said i like to see how the sunset looks like in a different country, how the sea smells like, how the trees, birds, cats, clouds all look like, what the locals do and what's 'normal' to them, things like that.

and then he started laughing coz ye la, he thought when i said i like traveling, it's because i want to know about the culture or whatever things he likes to do kan.

and because when we went to Bali (first ever trip overseas together), he actually enjoyed watching the Kechak dance and Barong dance, and he thought i did too! which i did. for the first couple of minutes. *grins toothily*

so pastilah he asked me, "you tahu tak dance tu pasal apa?"

i said "which dance?"

"Barong dance. tu pasal apa?"

after a few seconds of squinting, and recalling the dance, i answered, "eleh. pasal gamelan."

maafkan daku oh sayang, 

ku tahu mereka di depan, 

sedang berdansa & bergoyang, 

tapi gue, 

totap suka tengok si gamelan,

sebab diorang berkemban,

dan cute.

sekian pantun cik puan.

=B

hey baby, ngorat boleh?

assalamualaikum peliks!

truth be told, it has been a while since i've been personal with my blog.
been doing reviews a lot..

and truth be told, i am pregnant!

say say say whaaaaaaat??

oui! alhamdulillah i am pregnant!

dah a few months dah actually =p

it was a very... challenging first trimester.

hmmm nak story ke tak. 

...................................

story la sikit. 

ehem.

ok so i imagine the experience back from a third persons' view and it looks funny but the experience on me, it was soooooooooo harrrrdddd!!!

1. i had to eat all the time. i must have biscuits with me at all times. hunger will cause me to vomit.

2. i couldn't read. reading made me dizzy. dizziness made me vomit.

3. i couldn't stay vertical for more than a few minutes. sitting or standing for too long made me vomit.

4. i could only eat seciput nasi and 1 jenis lauk. watching others eat made me wanna vomit. having too much on my plate made me wanna vomit. eating too much made me vomit.

5. i couldn't drive. driving made me dizzy. refer to no. 2.

6. i have to be in a quiet place. noise made me dizzy. refer to no. 2.

oh the list goes on.

so as you can imagine, i was bed bound for the longest time, for the first time!

i ni dah la memang jenis takleh duduk diam. i was a workaholic.

i jenis yang memang kena buat something. free time means opportunity-looking time.

oh ya. i'm not working anymore as an engineer. i'm working on a project which i hope will be successful when it's done. in sha Allah.

and i'm still studying heee.. tak sabar nak habis!!! aaahhhhhh!!!

ok back to being bed bound.

i had accepted to do some product reviews (before i knew i was pregnant) kan... tapi body tak larat... i pernah sakit hati sangat sebab my body tak boleh nak cooperate with me, sampai i nanes nanes..

i told my hubby about it of course, and he was being very supportive cakap i can do it, and i have to do it sebab rezeki, blablabla, pastu i marah dia lak.

hahaahahahahahahaha!

i cakap "u cakap macam senang je! cuba you pregnant!"

emo gila =p

biasa la orang pregnant kan. hormone and feelings macam gila sket. off-tune.

yang kelakar nya, i can get easily emotional by songs.

i heard lagu Yuna - Lelaki.

kan dia nya chorus, it goes "lelaki tak guuuuuuuuuuuuuuna, etc etc"

i loved the song, but the song made me so emotional, bukan setakat emo je, tapi nangis nangis and geram nya emo tuuhhh! sampai i muntah and pening pening, and every man yang i rasa tak guns sume goes through my mind and the 'tak puas hati' feeling tu stayed on sampai i lupa lagu tu ok!!!

sakit pale tul. even PRU made me sick!

and then, there's me being on my own with nothing to do. body and mind nak rest tapi jiwaku perlukan fresh air, perlukan jalan jalan, tapi apo nak buek.

i even had plans for my semester break. i wanted to go bungy jumping and skydiving, roller coaster riding, knee boarding, and more, tapi again. apo nak buek. tunggu baby keluar, and then i ajak dia buat skali with me. nyehehehehee =p

so being on my own was tougher than i thought. i was tired all the time.
but for the first time, i was able to rest all day!
i think for years, i have very seldom had real rest.
rest pun boleh online lagi. dulu la.

but this time, i was really resting. all my gadgets i letak tepi. (i hated my phone =p sebab it always rings. ada je keje kena buat. i ignored a lot.. huhu..)
and rasa best pulak. just chilling and talking to my baby. and just picturing of what i will do when the baby arrives.

there are times (present tense ya) when people remind me of things i wanted to do but couldn't (due to pregnancy opkos), it wasn't easy to.. accept? is that the word? ha camtu la.
it wasn't easy, but i know Allah is the best of Planners, and He planned this for me and my family.
there has to be a reason why He chose me to carry a child now kan =)

keredhaan & keikhlasan has been said to be the 2 hardest feelings to summon when we're not emotionally stable.

so apo nak buek? tunggu emosi stable la pastu panggil la itu perasaan! hehee!

i think for now cukup la i nak berkarang pasai pregnancy ni.
ponek pulak. heheee =p

hope you all can forgive me for my carelessness when i blog these days. i can't always jaga your hati, therefore, i ask for your cooperation to at least be tactful with mine =)
kalau request ni macam berat sebelah, alamak, sorry la ya!

to all experienced mothers, i'd love to hear your advices!! and you're so awesome! sebab now i know what it's like to be pregnant, and most of you have done so much better than me!
SALUTE!! RESPECT!!
may Allah reward you for your strength and patience! =D

ok la itu je =)

salam!

ps: thanks for reading this super long post! love you lillahi!

YAY! album alaf baru!!

assalamualaikum and good day mate!

haritu i showed my hubby my old pictures, pictures from school days, from highschool days, PKN and matrix days and it was so fun!

we laughed at my 'phases', and i had many!! zaman tomboy, zaman spice girls, zaman harry potter, and ooohhhh boy, i looked so 'cute' back then.

cute la sangat!
hahahaha!

one of my photo albums =')

tapi sayang since dah guna digital cameras and memory sticks, pictures end up in the computer..

i think sebab kita dah biasa just tangkap and save dalam computer that we think it's better this way.

truth is, masa my laptop crashed, i lost a lot of pictures and it's sad sebab a lot of my memories are piled over new ones that the old ones become forgotten that i wished i printed them out and make a photo album for my universiti days!

wuwuwuuwuu...

haritu i was looking through our wedding pictures in my computer, and i wanted it to be printed out so bad sebab i nak tunjuk my kids, my grandkids and whoever else la sebab come to think of it, takkan la my computer nak hidup berpuluh puluh tahun kan?

and penat la nak transfer masuk harddisk la, burn dalam cd la hape la, coz let's face it. it'll get lost easier than a photo album.

i lost more pics throughout digital camera years than zaman camera kodak!

ALHAMDULILLAH I FOUND THE PERFECT SOLUTION!!

and that's why i wannna share this with you memory keepers!

Foto Zzoom ada photobook and oh gosh i love it so so much!!

ok here's a screenshot of the website, the directions are easy to follow and the categories to download sangat la cute!

i actually made one for myself, and i used the D.I.Y punya =)

tadaaa!

so nanti ada this pop-up where we get to choose which size we want and dia dah siap ngan price =)

so this is what my album looks like. to choose the pictures and arrange them is soooo easy!

bila bukak the software, dia akan keluar directions and stuff so ikut je =)

the photobook uses a layflat technology so it's very kemas and from the samples i've seen and held, the quality is good too =)

the best part about Foto Zzoom's service is that they can send the album straight to our home! tapi kena add on the postage la to the price.

we can choose either nak pick up at the Foto Zzoom store nearest to us or get it sent over to our place.

convenient kan!

payment method pun online je =)

30% off for 1st photobook too!!

so i'm really really happy to know that we can relive the photo album days and keep it for our younger generations to make fun of. hehehe! 

they have a contest too where we can win Redang trips (for 3 entries) and iPad Mini (for 2 entries)! just head on to their Facebook page and enter the contest!

just fill in your details and gambar photobook kita, and that's it!

tadaaaa~~

i can't wait to make more photobooks!!

and good luck for the contest! you can check out the entries here!

bersama BFF; Kotex Memberku Auditions!

assalamualaikum!

so the other day ada audition event held by Kotex called Kotex Memberku Auditions.
it started from Kotex Memberku Digital Contest on facebook some time ago, where participants register at iKnowMovement facebook app, and they just upload a photo of themselves with their friends that exudes confidence and put a caption about how friendship builds confidence in 30 words! then they get voted to become the 31 finalists and go to the next round, which is this!

pretty straighforward; those who came for the audition, came in teams!
what they had to do was dance in routine that was taught by the choreographer there.

i wasn't there but my friend went to experience the whole audition process! rugiiii tak itootttt!!!

she said they first learn their dance routine along the Kotex Memberku Hawa theme song all together, then they auditioned team by team.
they have the same routine but they were given a few seconds to come up with their own freestyle moves!

there were 20 teams in total, and they were separated into 2 batches.

and it's so endearing to know that all the teams consists of tight-knot-friends!

ada yang university students who have been close since highschool la, ada long distance friendship, ada mothers who are cool enough to join in (with their kids participating at the sides!! CUTEE!!!)!

biasalah kan.

kita always need support from our loved ones. even i need support from my BFFs, macam bila nak berubah, bila nak start business sendiri, dan macam macam lagi!

without them, idea susah nak dapat, motivation pun low, confidence level pun mesti low, pastu mungkin i won't be where i am now pun. 

teringat dulu, masa my friends and i mula mula start kerja; how we used to text each other merungut pasal kerja, cite pasal the environment and workload yang susah kita nak adapt.

but alhamdulillah, we helped each other out, supported each other, and now! semua kerja macam pro je. hehee! we became more confident with ourselves!

so bila tengok the auditions dengan participants yang sangat sporting and cool, boleh nampak and rasa that they have the confidence and positivity because they have their BFFs with them!

=')

i know that feeling!! wuwuwuww!! (rindu my BFFs!!)

oh and since this was an audition, ada la judges!

oooh they look seriousssss!

the judges are Shahrul (the choreographer) who checks on participants' steps, moves and expressions. then there's Latifah who checks on participants' confidence level when they're in the limelight.

my friend enjoyed herself watching the auditions and she said the participants did really well and were confident!

looking at her pictures, i can feel that they were enjoying themselves!

they're all smiles and laughter! =D

these ladies are up for the Grand Prize which is to appear on TV with celebrities and RM5000!! ANDDDDD they get 1 year supply of Kotex products each!! and of course, they get publicity coverage =D

*All the best babes!!*

Kotex is all about empowering women's confidence =) check out what they have to offer at their website.

Kia Rio Challenge!

assalamualaikum!

hubby and i like to check out cars when we're in the car. 

time tu je la dapat usha anyway =p

my choice of cars sume macam cute cute. i like small cars than normal sedan.

so hubby always pointing out "how about tu?", "yang tu?" when he sees cars he thinks i should like.

guys. hehehe!

i think Kia Rio is cute and i've checked out some videos about it too =p

i like the awesome design and features.

so few weeks ago, by awesome chance, i was invited by Kia to watch this social experiment at Sepang Gold Coast.

Kia left a Rio unattended on theKK roadside along the beach with buntings and stickers to prompt random passer-bys to test drive the car. only a few people stepped into the car to test drive it and took the opportunity to win RM100 by answering a few challenges given to them through an iphone that was left in the car!

the Kia Rio, parked and ready to be test driven

oh, the best part is, they get RM100 when they've completed the challenge!!

jealous!!

but it's aighhhhtt! it was so fun watching them all do the challenges anyway!

i laughed so hard when they had to do the harlem shake outside of the car!!

SERIOUS COMEL!!!

in the end, they get to experience driving the Kia Rio, and they get RM100. kalau i la, i bawak balik gak the car =p

check out the video to see the whole thing!

hope there's more of this 'social experiment' thing.
i wanna be part of it! hehee!

Beauty stuff: Hansaegee mask & makeup!

Assalamualaikum gorgeousness!

so today i have several beauty products to review!
weeee!

all products are from Hansaegee Nature!

first up, the High Definition Pixel (HDP) Pore Stamping Charcoal Mineral Mask =D
of course, before wearing the mask, cleanse the face and pakai or wipe the face lightly with toner.

jeng jeng! the mask is black too (like the packaging!)

this mask helps tightens the pores and blackheads, and restore skin balance. so siapa yang ada masalah pores or blackheads, the mask is good =)

just use it about once a week for a month, in sha Allah ada improvement =)

after removing the mask, let the remaining essence and moisture absorb into the skin by patting le face lightly, and then continue on with moisturising or whatever skincare routine kita =D

as for me, i put on my moisturiser and then went ahead with another range of products i get to try: the makeup line!

it's called Vacci Luxe Collection! btw, the reason I used the mask before applying my makeup is because after the using the mask, make up goes on smoother and stays on longer =D

ok sorry gambar agak the perasan wan, but i just want to show the makeup effect on me =P

it's light, natural, and makes my skin look healthier and glowy (kan?)

ihiikk!

here are the products i used!

1. 410 Pearl Orange Blusher; 2. 410 Orange Lipgloss; 3. 21 Natural Beige Liquid Foundation; 4. 13 Lavender Powder Pact; 5. Brown Eyeliner Pencil

honestly the choices of the product colours are different from my usuals. i just thought orange is such a nice colour, and it was worth the try!

the orange tinge gives a natural tan as a blush and the brown eyeliner makes my eyes not bigger but noticeable. au natural gituuuhh!

hehe =D

ps: the blusher comes with the brush, and the compact powder comes with the powder pad =D

check out the foundation's texture! on the skin, it feels light.

and this is how the compact powder looks like on the skin. i added extra so that nampak la sikit. heee.. i chose Lavender, but it doesn't make my face putih macam geisha la =p

love wearing it sebab it smells good, feels good, and it protects!

the makeup is washable too so no need to use makeup remover. nak solat senang je, just wash it off! =D

oh! the powder and foundation ada sun protection! how awesome!!

the powder ada SPF 28, while the foundation ada SPF 36!

so to those yang suka makeup, just pakai the foundation or powder is enough as a sun-shield and as a plus, the makeup are all mineral based, thus it creates a smooth base and allows skin to breathe better. people with sensitive skin or acne will be just fine wearing them =)

there are more makeup stuff to choose from, just check it out here!

since the makeup line is new, they are giving a promotion! with every purchase of the Vacci items, we get a Beauty Clinic Mediheal Ampoule Mask worth RM10.90!

woooot!

have fun choosing your makeup!